My Momma Raised Me To Be A Sweet Christian Gal

As I was walking back to my office from a meeting just a little while ago, I passed a resident and noticed she had what looked like a bruise on her forehead. I work with seniors, they fall, get bruised, break hips, it’s what happens. I thought “Yikes, Mrs. W face is jacked up yet again”, she had a fall at one point and got a pretty bad black eye, it looked like she got jumped. A few minutes later I passed a resident and her son and noticed both had the same bruise, and then Jesus came to me and said “Alyssa, you mam are a fucking moron, it’s Ash Mother Fucking Wednesday”.

If I recall, this same thing happened to me last year.

The only religious background I have is attending Sunday School when I was eight years old because my step brothers did and they got free stickers and coloring books and I felt that wasn't fair. So I attended for a short time, had no idea what the hell was going on, and later dropped out.

I also got drunk at two of my extended family's Bat Mitzvahs, but I don't think that counts with regards to Ash Wednesday, but what do I know, I had to Wikipedia the holiday to see what the fuck the shit was on everyone's faces.